No is for Lazy Parents

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 Christina Justiz Roush and family in Venice CA

Christina Justiz Roush and family in Venice CA

A few months ago, I was at my neighbor’s house who has a son around Oliver’s age. She also has a pool. The first time I hung out there, she assured me that the doors were always locked. So I would go over with Oliver and keep an ear out for him as they would play and explore throughout the house.

One day, I went over with Oliver and suddenly I realized it had been a while since I heard him. And then there was my friend’s son sitting on the floor in the living room, but no Oliver. I went from zero to 1000. I saw that the door leading to the pool area was open. Drowning is the number one cause of death in children under 7 (I hear my dad’s voice in my head) and I am running, screaming hysterical, because I know that Oliver loves the water and I know that he has no reasoning ability and I was expecting to see him at the bottom of the pool. I still feel panicked writing about this. I ran out and there he was, thank God, standing right at the edge of the pool. He looked at me and smiled, pointed to the water and said, “pool!”

What I decided to do from the experience was to be a scared, overly-anxious-hovering mess around the pool and water in general. When we would go to the neighbors (which is practically every day, btw),  I would lecture and warn (ad nauseum) about never going in the water without Mommy or Daddy; about always needing to have his floaty on; and if he got too close to the water I would warn him that we would leave if he did it again. Now this was with us all standing there and my eyes glued to him. The fear that that experience instilled in me made me become the parent that I have the most grievances with. I was the worst. Irrational and scared and hovering and annoying. Just terrible.

Another story: I am a huge fan of Dayna Martin: a rebel hippy, very brilliant advocate of unschooling and I was listening to this interview with her.  She shared an anecdote. When her son was around 4 he became fascinated with fire. Her instinct was to say no and build a wall around it. Much like mine was around the water. But she knew better. She fought her instinctual response, and would sit with him and light matches and explain it to him. She was hands and eyes on, and encouraged his safe exploration of this curiosity. She said that no is for lazy parents and it actually creates more dangerous situations with your children. Your child will explore their natural curiosities but they without your guidance and protection. Eventually, her son’s interest lead him to learn fire throwing and now is a blacksmith. What would have happened if she didn’t encourage his inclinations?

So I completely remodeled my approach. My son is a water baby. He loves the water. I can’t let my own baggage interfere. Thankfully my husband is a total water baby himself and has always created a positive relationship with the water and Oliver, hopefully mitigating some of the well-meaning neurotic tendencies he witnessed in me over the past few months. But I really get that the way to keep your children safe is by leaning into what they are curious about, not saying no.

The other day Oliver got a hold of a pair of large scissors at his grandparents’ house. There was lots of activity and children running around and my knee jerk reaction was to grab the scissors out of his hand and say “Nope, these are not for you.”  Instead I said, actually let’s explore this. I sat down with him and we looked at the scissors, noting the shininess, the size, the way the light reflected. We cut paper together and made shapes. We were exploring for almost a full half hour (this is a lot with a 2 year old) It was awesome.

Lesson learned!

BREAD & BUTTER

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Here we are already the end of summer. Is it just us, or did the time fly? Nothing happened. Everything happened. It was all over so quickly. Looking back, it feels like some strange blur; a mess of over-air-conditioned offices and eagerly anticipated beach days. Perhaps what stands out most about this summer is the sweet joy of picking up a pint of blueberries each Saturday morning at the local farmer’s market. Unlike our plans, which changed frequently, and our moods, so often at the mercy of the city’s heat waves, these tart treats crowded together in their soft, green cardboard boxes each week without fail. And, just as consistently, we devoured them in one sitting, often before we ever reached the front door.

There is something so quotidian about this. And yet, it is just as beautiful as a day traversing the streets of Rome. How is that possible?

We dedicate ourselves to newness, change, and growth time and time again, but what about the small, beautiful moments that only come from daily practice and, dare we say, monotony? Our fear tells us that the mundane is the enemy; it is a desert for our hearts and our minds. But, honestly, when are things more magnificent than when they are stripped down to their bare bones?

The bread with the butter. The salt on the tomatoes. The ice in the glass of water.

We are learning that sometimes it is most beneficial to keep things as simple as possible – elemental even. Our summer mantra did not find us until late August, but when it did it was crystal clear: less is more.

We’re excited to be back! HERE’S TO THE LAST FEW WEEKS OF SUMMER!

xo

C+C

Summertime Manifesto

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We believe in summer. We believe in switching off and tuning out. We believe in ‘No Screen Time’ and lots of travel. We believe in family time. And quiet time. And alone time. We believe that the best work is done when we are rested, relaxed, excited and inspired. We believe in giving it our all and never phoning it in. We believe in siestas and sunset strolls. We believe in hard work. And hard play. We believe in taking a break.

It’s time for our annual summer hiatus — we’ll be taking some time off from the blog and the newsletter until Labor Day Weekend. In case you’re looking for some reads (or haven’t had a chance to visit the blog lately) check below for some of our faves!

The Wild Unknown by Chelsey
Here’s something I’ve been thinking about lately: what if the Universe isn’t planning, orchestrating, and managing our lives so we can become some beautiful, happy, fulfilled thing? What if the Universe isn’t thinking about us at all? What if it’s not about the Universe helping you close your deal, or process your grief, or take away all of your financial problems?…continued

Land Ho! by Andrea Martinez
There’s a Dear Sugar column that talks about ghost ships and how we all have our giant ship of the What If that never was. I can’t remember the initial question, or what led Sugar to bring up the ghost ship. I can’t even remember the exact words, only how I felt when I first read her column. I was working two part time jobs, six days a week and going extremely hard in my off hours…continued

You Can Have It All, But Not All At Once by Christina
During Oprah’s interview with Michelle Obama, Michelle was talking about being a Mother and having large ambitions. She said: “WOMEN NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL…JUST NOT ALL AT ONCE.” I am sure that it has been said before. It might have even been said directly to me…continued

Have a Beautiful BEAUTIFUL August!

Lots of LOVE,

C+C

A Beautiful Weekend

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Michelle Obama.

Don’t mess with the Aussies.

This female artist.

WTFHHD?

Cannot wait to see this movie. Women + Wall Street. Yes, please. (Plus, it was written and directed by women).

Run, Kendra, run.

Why should I go see it? (And for the record, I saw it and I LOVED it).

High fives for failures. 

Karlie, Karlie, Karlie. 

What he wore.

Body hair is everywhere.

73 questions.

A beautiful home.

A beautiful brand.

A beautiful woman

Have a beautiful weekend! 

 

A BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND!

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We are all kinds of ready for a relaxing weekend with friends, family and lazy mornings. Here’s to a beautiful one! 

There’s a butterfly species in Kenya that’s evolving without males. 

Linda Rodin knows all. 

How much time?

Flotus, you are too cool. 

No more ‘Becky with the good hair‘. 

100 kick ass women.

#loveforlesliej

You just got ‘Ginsburned‘.

Dear Chrissy Teigen, you win at everything. Than you for this, this, and this

10 

Weekend goals

Some coolness from our friend, Amy Woodside

Anyone planning a vacation?

A beautiful book.

A beautiful shop.

A beautiful woman.

Have a beautiful weekend. 

The Wild Unknown

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 Image via  The Wild Unkown

Image via The Wild Unkown

What if you have it all wrong? What if nothing happens for a reason? What if it’s all just a series of guesses at what you think you want? What if you’re wrong most of the time? What if it’s just failure after failure? What if your life is a series of random choices that don’t add up to anything but a lack of direction? What if you’re lost? What if feeling ‘found’ is a weird nonsense allusion? What if everyone is doing better than you? What if everyone is disappointed in you? What if you never find your way? What if you run out of time? Why aren’t there any guarantees? 

These are some thoughts that are both terrifying and honest. They are mine, but I’m sure you’ve had them too. I really hope so. (Not because I want you to suffer, but because if I’m alone in this I just might explode). I have had a lot of these thoughts lately. Maybe it’s because I’m in my Saturn Return, maybe it’s because I’m in my late twenties, or maybe this is just a part of life no matter your age, success, or luck. Word on the street is, being in my twenties makes it worse, but this is definitely a life long relationship with doubt, self-worth, and future wants and needs. 

I like to think of this blog as a place for inspiration, joy, and connection, with a big emphasis on joy. I don’t want to bring down the tone of the room or anything, but if you’re reading this and expecting an answer to the problem of ‘what the hell is happening and where do I belong’ stop reading now. I’m just as confused as the rest of you. 

Where do I belong? What do I want? Where do I want to go? These thoughts are on an endless loop in my head right now. I’d pay good money for someone to give me an answer that is guaranteed to be correct. I know that’s not how it works but damn, I wish it was. 

Here’s something I’ve been thinking about lately: what if the Universe isn’t planning, orchestrating, and managing our lives so we can become some beautiful, happy, fulfilled thing? What if the Universe isn’t thinking about us at all? What if it’s not about the Universe helping you close your deal, or process your grief, or take away all of your financial problems? (I don’t know about you, but I never talk to the Universe more than when things are really hard and/or I can’t find a parking space). What if it’s not about what’s being given? What if it’s actually about how how we receive?

Let’s imagine that the Universe is throwing miracles our way every second of every day; the world is just one big minefield of miracles. Sounds pretty great right? Well, yes and no. The truth is, we all tend to have strong ideas about what we need and what we want. As a result, we can be closed off to a lot of opportunities, ideas, and paths. So, this means that the Universe can be bombarding us with miracles that are incredibly valuable to our well-being but, because they’re not quite what we’re looking for, we feel like we’re getting nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. (Reference inner monologue at the beginning of this post for more details on exactly how that feels). You know when you get exactly what you want and you think about how the Universe is great and you’re filled with faith? Well, what if that moment (you know you’ve had it, it’s called happiness without anxiety) is nothing more than the moment when your wants/needs match up with the miracles that the Universe is throwing your way? It’s not that the Universe has your back in that moment (and doesn’t have your back in other moments) it’s just a coincidence that you and the Universe are on the same page re: what you need right now. 

This doesn’t mean the Universe is less with you. It actually means the Universe is offering so much more than you’re willing to accept. It also means that things might not shake out exactly how you want them to. But maybe, what you think is great and magnificent is missing all kinds of awesomeness? The truth is, I don’t know. But, just keep swimming I guess? 

Chelsey 

Summer Selections

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The sun is out and summer is in full swing: iced coffees, heat waves, the hum of the fan, and the call of the ocean (or any cool body of water really). With warm weather and long weekends in mind, we’re sharing our summer selections with you.

CHELSEY:

This hat. Because, it’s perfect for the city or the beach. Plus, protection from the sun!

This pin. In case we need reminding. And because of this story.

This candle. It smells like mid-summer evenings in the backyard of my dreams.

This book. Because I just listened to her TED talk and it’s fascinating.

This robe. For quiet mornings and nothing more. 

 
CHRISTINA: (It should be noted that my 30th birthday is coming up on the 26th for all those interested… 😎 🤗 👇!)

This sparkly duo with this to match.

This is a bit aspirational…BUT I’m leaning towards the Jade Spa Journey!

In a flash of inspiration I decided I wanted to do this in our backyard- But maybe a day pass here is a good start.

Lastly, a quote Chelsey shared on the blog yesterday from this article:

“I also want to say to them, time after time, that there is no “better version” of you waiting in the future. The best version of you is who you are right here, right now, in this fucked-up, impatient, imperfect, sublime moment. Shut out the noise and enjoy exactly who you are and what you have, right here, right now. “

 

A Beautiful Weekend

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16 and in it to win it

Emojis for the ladies

Ina Garten is baaack. Celebrate with crisp white shirts and bare feet. 

Snaps.

5 reasons to be excited about the Olympics. 

Modern love.

For the record.

And this article on the youths from Dear Polly. A little quote below because this whole piece is actually so magical. 

“I also want to say to them, time after time, that there is no “better version” of you waiting in the future. The best version of you is who you are right here, right now, in this fucked-up, impatient, imperfect, sublime moment. Shut out the noise and enjoy exactly who you are and what you have, right here, right now. “

A beautiful brand.

A beautiful podcast.

A beautiful woman.

Have a beautiful weekend! 

Moments

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Today is my day to post on girl gift gather. Chelsey and I alternate and we do our best to stick to schedules. But I’m sort of paralyzed. And Oliver isn’t giving me a second and my grandma is in the process of passing and I am having just a hell of a time. I just can’t do anything but stare at Oliver and occasionally capture perfect moments. And that’s ok I think. 

Austin, TX

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In May, Michael and I found a short moment between his graduation and my work to fly down to Austin for some much needed r & r. The trip wasn’t nearly long enough and Texas floods meant we didn’t get to go out on the boat quite as often as I would have liked. But, we managed to have a truly delightful trip made up of slow mornings, long walks with my dad’s new puppy, Texas BBQ, and even an adventure to Johnson City for homemade peach ice cream and a tour through one of the vineyards.

 Enjoying the handmade peach ice cream they sell on the roadside every spring and summer in Johnson City. 

Enjoying the handmade peach ice cream they sell on the roadside every spring and summer in Johnson City. 

                                                                                  So much beautiful produce! 

                                                                                 So much beautiful produce! 

  Brought my  Marias ' to the farm. 

Brought my Marias ‘ to the farm. 

 Lazy mornings and some pretty perfect light. 

Lazy mornings and some pretty perfect light. 

 A dog walk complete with a dreamy sunset and the scent of white oleanders. 

A dog walk complete with a dreamy sunset and the scent of white oleanders.